The Competition

I often think about how regular folks, age groupers, fit training into their busy schedules. What do they do for a living? As I looked ahead at my race to come, I couldn’t resist checking out the start list for Ironman 70.3 California. It actually lists the athletes’ professions.

Of course, Oceanside has its fair share of overachievers – doctors and lawyers. Then there are the folks who I’d imagine are far better at preparing for the event than me – triathlon coaches, physical therapists, masseuses, and Pilates instructors. And then there’s a whole other group. Those gun-ho, ready-for-anything, go-for-the-gusto, why-not, try-and-stop-me types. I spotted a trend. Their professions fell into four distinct categories – Animal, Edible, Sexual, and Incredible.

ANIMAL:

Sheep Sharer
Frog Farmer
Pig Farmer
Parakeet Wrangler
Winnie-the-Pooh Stunt Double
Cat Wrangler
Pooper Scooper
Matador
Cat Whisperer
Lab Rat
Snake Charmer

EDIBLE:

Fat Tire Beer Tester
Bacon Taste Tester
Donut Connoisseur
Donut Sampler
Tea Drinker
Celebrity Chef

SEXUAL:

Foot Model
Belly Dancer
Retired Speedo Model
Sex Ed Teacher
Bikini Model
Spandex Model

INCREDIBLE:

Mud Wrestler
Gentleman of Leisure
Vampire Hunter
Adrenaline Junkie
Drug Dealer/Tri Coach (hmmm)
Tri Poser
Rectal Emission Stunt Double
My Wife Will Actually Kill Me This Time
Digital Whipping Boy
Geek Speak Translator
Master Juggler
Great Lakes Surf Bum
Underwater Basket Weaver
Midget Wrestler
Manny
Slow-twitch Addict

(I can only imagine their benefits.)